Seizing an Illusive Prize
For just a few minutes, I ask you to suspend any disbelief you may have about Jesus’ resurrection and the gospel accounts about it because I want to write about a gospel reading for this time after Easter that stirs the imagination. I believe it has much to say to people searching for God.
The scene is after Jesus’ unbelievably cruel crucifixion and incredible resurrection as described in the Gospel of John. Jesus’ disciples are gathered in a rented or borrowed room, locked “for fear of the Jews.” They had reason to lock the door because the disciples were, after all, close associates of this rabble rouser who challenged the Jewish authorities. They had said he claimed to be a King, making him an enemy to the Romans who occupied and ruled Israel.
The disciples were guilty by association. They undoubtedly also felt a great deal of guilt because they all abandoned Jesus when the going got tough. And they felt shame for having done so. When it comes to those feelings, I think we can relate.
Here’s how the gospel describes the scene, according to The Message translation.
“Later on that day, the disciples had gathered together, but, fearful of the Jews, had locked all the doors in the house. Jesus entered, stood among them, and said, “Peace to you.” Then he showed them his hands and side.
They were exuberant
“The disciples, seeing the master with their own eyes, were exuberant. Jesus repeated his greeting: “Peace to you. Just as the Father sent me, I send you.’
“… But Thomas, sometimes called the Twin, one of the Twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. The other disciples told him, ‘We saw the master.’ But he said, ‘Unless I see the nail holes in his hands, put my finger in the nail holes, and stick my hand in his side, I won’t believe it.’
“Eight days later, his disciples were again in the room. This time Thomas was with them. Jesus came through locked doors, stood among them, and said ‘Peace to you.’ “Then he focused on Thomas. ‘Take your finger and examine my hands. Take your hand and stick it in my side. Don’t be unbelieving. Believe.’
“Thomas said, ‘My master! My God!’ “Jesus said, ‘So, you believe because you’ve seen with your own eyes. Even better blessings are in store for those who believe without seeing.”
Cooped-up in that room and rendered immobile, the disciples must have felt enormous relief at Jesus’ appearance. They were freed from fear, that most powerful of emotional paralysis. Not only can fear cause, and be the result of, emotional distress, it can be a great barrier in the search for God.
Aren’t we all like those disciples, gathered in one room feeling fear, guilt, doubt and shame? It may not be the same fear, guilt, doubt and shame they felt. We all have our own reasons for these feelings.
Some of our reasons for guilt are unspecified. Some of us may feel guilt because we’re guilty of something, of course, but much of the time, guilt is an irrational misinterpretation of events, feelings or people.
As for doubt, it may be about God. Many, if not most, of us have had that kind of doubt, being unwilling to accept uncertainty and not knowing how to deal with it. But it could also be a matter of doubting ourselves, resulting in failure to live up to our expectations. Or doubt of others, including family members and friends.
Conscience operating properly
Shame is another matter. We usually have good reason for that feeling, having offended God or each other. In my view, shame is a sign that our conscience is operating properly.
How does Jesus respond to all these feelings?
“Peace.”
I believe this word as Jesus used it doesn’t simply mean the absence of fear or conflict; rather, it sums up Jesus’ message about who we are and who we could be. Perhaps it is best expressed in the Letter to the Romans in the Christian Bible: “”…But those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on things of the Spirit…. To set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.”
In other words, peace is found when God is found, proportionally by those who sincerely seek him/her.
